It's a GIRL!!! ... Well... EIGHT of them!

Tomorrow brings big changes.

     I once said to a friend, "All I really want to do is be a mom..." 
     His response is one that has stayed with me and has proven true. 

     "Jenna," he said, "no matter what you are doing, you will be a mom."

     Since then, my jobs and other experiences have all put me in a position of "mothering" and now being in the DR, it is more true than ever. When I posted on Facebook the other day that I am going to be a mom (ok, so I admit to being kind of vague on purpose solely for the sake of creating questions), it was not alluding to pregnancy (I promise this is not yet possible) or to adoption (someday!), as some wondered, but to a shift in my role here at Chadasha's Children's Home.

     Due to some significant staff changes this past week, I am now stepping into the position of "house mom" which means that I will be moving to the small "apartment" on the girls' floor at the Children's Home. The other big change that launches me into motherhood is that Yinancia, our three-year old, or "la baby," as many of the kids call her, will be moving in with me to begin her transition into living upstairs with the other girls. It is something I know that the Lord has been preparing me for, but it is still a little daunting. Almost over night, I am going to be a mother for EIGHT girls ranging from 3 to 16 years of age, in charge of the daily routines surrounding bedtime, general hygiene, bedroom upkeep and all those other motherly tasks, but I am also suddenly emotionally and spiritually filling a role I feel I have barely touched on.

 I am about to jump into the deep end of a pool without knowing how to swim. 

I have seen people do it and so have some basic ideas. I have seen some things that work and some that don't. 

This is a picture from last year when I had Yinancia in my room one day for
her nap time. I could not have imagine then that only a little more than a
year later I would be her primary guardian and caregiver in the way I am
about to be. May the Lord be her father as I do my best to be the mother-
figure she needs. 

But I still don't know how to swim. It is a little overwhelming, but there are other people hanging out in the deep end who know what they are doing and so I know that I will learn from them. I am not afraid, but it IS a leap of faith. 

     This morning, I started packing up my room in our Team Housing building where I have been staying, and then spent most of the day scrubbing clean the room that I will be moving into. (My hands still smell faintly of bleach.) I will finish tomorrow, we will start to paint, and then I will probably be sleeping there by Saturday night! Let me tell you, spider eviction (annihilation?) has been quite a process. These critters have gotten a little too comfy in what is about to be my space, and unfortunately for them, I don't feel like sharing. ;)

Yinancia and I this year

     My two teens are happy that we will be able to watch movies together without it having to be a big planned event, and the younger girls have shown me their welcome by already handing over a slew of colored pictures for me to hang on my walls.

     Like standing on the edge of that 10-foot pool, I am excited to jump in to what God has in store for me in this next chapter. But my heart is pounding and I know I will be counting on the others who are in the pool with me to help me find the right rhythm to tread and keep my head above water. I also know that God has known about this part of my life for longer than the few days that I have. I know that he has been preparing me in these last several months that were so intense in my spiritual growth. He has taught me who He is as my Father so that I can be a better mother. He has taught me more about who I am because of who He is so that I will believe in the unlikely and the impossible. And He has given me new and exciting ways to soak in the Word and continue to learn. I have been stretching and growing in SO many ways, probably even more than I recognize, in these 4 months AND I WANT MORE!!! I will never have enough of who and what God is. I never want to be satisfied enough that I stop pursuing Him or stop letting Him pursue me. And I know that He will continue to strengthen and grow me, and prune and smooth me, too.

     One of the greatest tools I have begun to put into practice is praying and claiming Scripture over my life - I want to live in the truth, and I know that God's Word is True. This is a really powerful and empowering practice. It is not a magic wand - but it challenges me to choose light and life and love in every circumstance. If I believe that this is who I am, I want to call it out and bring it to life! This who I am in Christ, WHO IS MY LIFE!

     Here is something I wrote out based on several passages of scripture before I knew what was going to be changing in my life this week - but now I see that the Lord was working on my core and my motivation, what will drive me in the day-to-day mundane. May everything I do be motivated by His love:

"I set an example for others in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, and my youth is to my advantage rather than a hindrance. I fan into flame the gifts of God - He gives, I receive, and so I know I have a spirit not of fear, but of power, love, and self-control. Everything I do is motivated by love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony; and so instead of sounding like a resounding gong or a clanging symbol, my children, and those under my authority will know that I am patient and I am kind, that I am not rude or arrogant and am not irritable or resentful. I always rejoice with truth and good choices. I will not run out of hope, even when it is "one of those days," because I know that I own faith, hope, and love - but the greatest of these is Love."

{1Tim4:12, 2Tim1:6-7, Col3:14, 1Cor13}

Lord, guide and prune me, that I may walk out these truths, especially now, as I take part in training up these children in the way they should go. Thank you for the wisdom that you give so generously and for the goodness that you pour out on us each day. May my children see your light in me and be drawn to it such that they, too, will desire to live it out and shine brightly like stars in the universe and inheritors in the Kingdom of Light.

I will trust in the Lord with ALL my heart rather than count on my own understanding of circumstances. As I choose to walk in step with His direction, He will make my way straight. I will rely on His wisdom, knowing that He holds all knowledge and understanding.

{Proverbs 3:5-6, 2:6}