The next "Next Thing" - On the Road Again

When I left for the Dominican Republic two years ago, I felt akin to Abraham - called and directed by God, but not knowing where I was headed. Of course, I knew the physical place, but in terms of time and the big picture, I went out, not knowing where I was going.

Funny now, but I think I truly believed that my Daddy God, Papá Dios, was going to present me with a clear, laid out road map for the years ahead. In one version I imagined, I was going to meet a young doctor from one of our visiting teams who had a heart for missions. We would correspond long distance, fall in love, and through whatever series of events eventually find ourselves back in Jimaní as house parents in one of the newly established group homes.

Ha. 



I say funny because it really is laughable when I dictate my plans to God and then pretend like it is His idea. I don't think this happens on purpose, but I thank God when He reveals these things in my life. It takes an act of surrender and once again saying "yes" to Jesus, even in that single moment - and the more surrendered I am, the freer I am to live. Truly live.

Because I wasn't sure how long or short I would be living at the Children's Home, I didn't have any sort of dreams or plans for my American life. So when I returned to Tennessee with my family in October, I once again felt like Abraham, trusting that God is sovereign and that He has a plan ... but still not having a clue where I was going. I wasn't even sure of what to expect in terms of my own "process" in coming back to the States - emotionally, physically, spiritually. It was hard, but it was good.

A couple of these beauties have been hanging around our house

Through six months of quiet I have learned beautiful things in this time of loss, grief, newness, and unknowing. I have learned to trust my Daddy God in the stillness and quiet, as well as in the chaos and noise. I have learned to trust Him in the little things as much as the big things - and have also recognized that it is sometimes easier to trust in the big things and chaotic times because that is when we most feel like we need Him. Jesus says that when we are chasing after only Him, (His kingdom and righteousness), all the things of life will be taken care of. As I moved from my purposeful time of rest and rejuvenation and into the long familiar questions of What's next? and What do I do with my life? it was so important for me to remember and trust those words He had brought to my attention. Seek me. Abide with me. Hang out with me. Don't worry.

Got my car in December!

It was great to be with my family
for Christmas. Even got to see
some of my Canadian family :)

I can break the last 6 months into two parts. The first three months were all about emotion. I was feeling so much, and it took a long time for me to sort through it all and allow myself to really feel and express what I was dealing with - grief, sorrow, relief, worry, questions, more sorrow...

By the time January rolled around, I was in a much freer and more stable place and began to address that whole what-do-I-want-for-my-life thing. I continued with occasional babysitting, did some dog sitting, subbed at Mother's Day Out (church preschool), and kept my eyes and ears open for something to catch my attention and spark new life in me. A couple of times I had applications in my hand, even submitted one, but I couldn't bring myself to really pursue anything that had come up as a possibility.

By March, I was feeling discouraged, and wrestled with trying to discern whether my hesitation and lack of forward motion had any spiritual backing or if it was my own fears that held me back.
I made a pact with myself that if I didn't come across something that stirred my heart by my birthday (March 27), I would get a job just for the necessity of it and search for passion another time. 


So. 

Florida. 

The littlest Arnold sporting chocolate lip liner :)

The second week of March, I made a spontaneous (if you know me, you know I don't do spontaneous) trip to Lakeland, Florida to visit my dear friends, the Arnold family. Stephen and Vanderly and their three kids were serving in Jimaní when I got there and we clicked immediately. Before long, I knew that Vanderly was the mentor I had been asking God to put in my life for years, and after they moved back to the States, we knew that we would remain a part of each others lives. When the Arnolds found out when I was coming back, they immediately offered their home to me as a respite place if I ever needed it, so to stay with them for a week in March and "do life" together again was a joy. It also happened to be a crazy time for them as they were house hunting, but then they started asking if I might like to move down to Lakeland and live with them for a while; should they be looking for a house with a room for me?

With Eliana, Joshua, and Zoë

I spent some intense time with the Lord talking out all my thoughts, seeking His guidance in the Word and by His Spirit. (Spent lots of time listening to Bethel Music's "Nearness" and "In Over My Head" ... check'em out. So good.) I felt overwhelmed, and couldn't decide if it was a good overwhelmed or not.

At the end of the week, Vanderly and I toured the Florida Baptist Children's Home and listening to the people their describe the breadth of their ministry and its different branches, I felt that spark I had been waiting for. My heart raced as we left and I couldn't put words to what I felt. Later that day, we met up with some Lakeland folks who had been to the DR on summer teams and through that interaction was made aware of a possible job opportunity. I was contacted the next day with information that there would be an opening in the infant room at a preschool. (She said babies, and my heart said yes.)

By the time I was driving away from the Arnold's house the next day, I knew what it was that my heart desired and gave myself the permission to believe it.
Later that week, I submitted my resume to the director of the preschool and was accepted for the job, so I sent off fingerprints to Tallahassee for a background check and confirmed that I could begin work on the 27th of April.

By the way - that happened on my birthday. Remember my deal with myself? God is funny that way... 

And so that is how I have come to now. Next week, on Wednesday, April 22, 2015, I will pack up my little Subaru and drive down to Lakeland, Florida, to start my next "next thing." I will be living with the Arnolds for a time - they are my safe place and stepping stone, another home away from home - until I am up on my feet and ready to jump into the next adventure (living on my own? really on my own?). It is still true that only my Daddy God knows exactly what the future holds, but once again I am trusting Him, and thanking Him for knowing just the right thing and the just right timing of everything.

Have you heard the song "Happy" by Pharrell Williams? Because that is what I feel right now, and it feels good. :) 

Aaaannd... JIMANI!!!!  Just to add to all the happiness that I am feeling right now, I was also incredibly blessed with the opportunity to return to the DR for a couple weeks to visit my kids in Jimaní! It was only within the last couple months that I began to feel like I would be able emotionally to make a return trip and God provided in a beautiful way. So grateful for those who trust God in a way that empowers them to give generously. That I have been the recipient of so much is so humbling, and reminds me of the responsibility I have as a steward of what God has given.

Haha ^_^ Can't wait to hold this little one again... 

I will be going with the Arnold's oldest daughter Zoë in the middle of May and I am so excited to hold and hug and kiss all my kids and see what God does in our time there. I am just so thankFULL and joyFULL... :)  Melissa told the kids last week at dinner that Zoë and I were coming and shared with me that there were "lots of cheers and clapping" ^_^ I can picture it exactly and I hold it in my heart.

Like I said... happy :)

"Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof (because I'm happy) / Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth"